kids

I think that having your first baby is traumatic. It was not what I expected and humbled me greatly. Having my second was much less emotionally, but more physically traumatic. Worth it, yet amazingly harder than I though it would be. I am finding now as my youngest is growing more and more independent that I am too. I felt somewhat trapped but in love with my new life, and now its slipping away. A little while ago I would've thought that having children causes all parents to be unselfish. But now I can see how someone who might have not been as attached during the early months, might not get to that point at all. I am already starting to fear the upcoming years where I am not superwoman to my kids anymore. I want them to always love and cherish me. But I know they will grow up and away, and be bothered by me. They'll ignore me, and be disrespectful, and I have to stand firm throughout it all. I also don't want to become a selfish parent, since they "need" me less I don't won't to focus on myself too much. I hope that I can be a good parent throughout their entire childhoods. Having a baby is definitely more accurately described as "having a person". The baby stage lasts for such a short time. I hope this made sense in some sort of way. I have been thinking about stuff like this for a while. I really don't want to be a selfish parent, and I really want to have good kids who obey and are logical and love their mom a lot, though most importantly, even if things are rough I hope they know the Lord and He guides them throughout their entire lives.

chilly

Or does it? Last week on recycling day, I had to clean my kitchen in a major way. It was full of dirty yogurt cups and apple sauce containers. I kept thinking about how nice it would be to just throw all those recyclables out, versus having to clean them and find a spot in my overflowing recycling container out on the curb. I thought about it for a little too long before I came to the conclusion that I should be a good steward, and not be lazy or wasteful. I cleaned out about 10 yogurt cups and 5 apple sauce containers, and a number of other cans and glasses. I found a cardboard box in the basement and filled it up and brought it out to the curb. Well when the Recycling truck drove up, I realized it was actually the trash truck(which usually makes the rounds after recycling) the garbage man grabbed my box of yogurt cups etc. and effortlessly dropped it into the truck. My heart did indeed sink a little. How much of the things I recycle never make it?

It's so incredibly cold out! Last night I had to turn on the heater! Evie kept waking up crying and when I went in to check on her, she was so cold :( Tonight I will bundle her up really well. I just didn't expect this so early on in fall!

Asa had his four year check up today. He's off the charts for height! He passed all the tests, except hopping on one foot. He told the doctor he would practice it at home.

My hands are literally like ice and I am wearing layers...

I have this addiction to this game called Bejeweled Blitz. I seriously have to play at least once a day, and once always turns into 35 times. I see the game when I close my eyes. I shirk my duties because of it. I need help. lol.

My little brother is getting married next week! I am excited for the wedding. I think it will be beautiful, it's at a park. I am not sure if it'll be indoors or out though..and am worried about freezing.(lol) I can't believe time goes by so quickly..

Well since I played Bejeweled for yes, longer than 35 minutes before posting this, I am going to have to cut it short. Evie is still napping and I can maybe get something done around here!

We have Pioneer at church tonight, I am supposed to teach first grade. Looking forward to that!

October Eleventh Two Thousand and Nine

Today is a Sunday. I am behind in almost all aspects of life. But I a not entirely depressed over that fact. It's been an absolutely gorgeous beginning to fall. I can't remember a fall beginning this way for a long time. It seems like summer was turned off by the flick of a switch and the cool fall air blew in the next day. The trees are all turning wonderful hues and I am thankful that it's been an enjoyable start to my least favorite season!
The kids are growing fast. Asa turned 4 on August 12th. We had a small family party for him and took him to Target to buy Star Wars Legos (Which he promised he would take care repeatedly) that are now entirely missing. Tyler turned 9 on September 4th and again we celebrated with a small family party. We also took him to the Lego Store....Great Place!!!

Evie has been coming along nicely. She finally has enough hair for me to pin back with clips and she is really into accessories! She has also just started saying a few more words (besides her staple: Happy Birthday, Mom, Hi, and Uh Oh. She signs "please" and "more".

Asa is starting to print letters now. He enjoys learning and is very excited about starting Kindergarten at (hopefully) a local Charter School next year. We do "school" almost everyday and he gets really into it. He likes to use scrabble letters to make up his own words and asks me to pronounce them. It's cute :)

The house projects have been put on hold for a while. That's frustrating, but there's not much you can do when things are so tight financially. I am thankful that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I am also thankful for a sovereign God. One who I can't begin to understand much about. But a loving, merciful God who loves someone as crappy as me, and repeatedly blesses me and carries me through times when I cannot move on my own. I am also thankful for a church where there are others who encourage and love and, though not perfect, want to learn more and persevere in the faith along side each other. This world is a harsh place, sometimes I wish I could live in a cave. I am thankful for the peace and rest I find in Him, and the help in times of trouble. I am also immensely thankful for the Bible. I recently heard Steve Brown speaking of the Bible in such a cool way. He was explaining how so many think of the Bible as a nice book to make people nicer, or a religious book to make people more religious, but that in actuality its a book full of dark things, of people that are bad, of things we might not like to talk about. But it's all there for a good reason, that's who we are--sinners, and that's why we need Jesus. The best thing about it, is that no matter what horrible things someone may do to me, and how mad I get at the injustice--how much more does Christ forgive? It helps me put it into perspective, even when all I truly want to do is feel angry and bitter. We are all crappy and dark and dirty and bad, any good is from Him and mercy we don't deserve. I could go on and on but....

...my daughter obviously doesn't want to take a nap right now. ( i can tell by her shrill screams and jumping up and down on the crib sounds)

Lauren
**the pic is of Evie back in July** too cute to pass up though...