kids

I think that having your first baby is traumatic. It was not what I expected and humbled me greatly. Having my second was much less emotionally, but more physically traumatic. Worth it, yet amazingly harder than I though it would be. I am finding now as my youngest is growing more and more independent that I am too. I felt somewhat trapped but in love with my new life, and now its slipping away. A little while ago I would've thought that having children causes all parents to be unselfish. But now I can see how someone who might have not been as attached during the early months, might not get to that point at all. I am already starting to fear the upcoming years where I am not superwoman to my kids anymore. I want them to always love and cherish me. But I know they will grow up and away, and be bothered by me. They'll ignore me, and be disrespectful, and I have to stand firm throughout it all. I also don't want to become a selfish parent, since they "need" me less I don't won't to focus on myself too much. I hope that I can be a good parent throughout their entire childhoods. Having a baby is definitely more accurately described as "having a person". The baby stage lasts for such a short time. I hope this made sense in some sort of way. I have been thinking about stuff like this for a while. I really don't want to be a selfish parent, and I really want to have good kids who obey and are logical and love their mom a lot, though most importantly, even if things are rough I hope they know the Lord and He guides them throughout their entire lives.